Zack and I have finally decided whether we're going to have kids

These are the 2 biggest factors we weighed when coming to a decision.

Hello friends!

As I’m sure you know by now, Zack and I have debated the “kids or no kids” question for years. I’ve asked you to weigh in with your own experiences on countless occasions, and I even had Merle Bombardieri on the pod, a psychotherapist who coaches people on this exact topic.

I love research, and so does Zack. And I’m not sure I’ve ever researched a topic so extensively in my life, mostly because unlike the majority of life decisions, this isn’t one you can take back. I’m not going to give away our final answer here (you can hop over to today’s episode to find out what we decided) but I do want to share two huge factors that played into our final decision.

Factor #1: Becoming a parent—in the U.S. at least—is objectively a terrible mental health decision

As someone who has had a lot of mental health issues in my life, the data around mental health and parenting completely terrifies me. The U.S. Surgeon General’s office recently issued a public health warning for parenting. Usually, those are reserved for things like smoking or alcohol, but in this case, they’re calling out the serious health risks of raising kids. And the data backs it up: parents report significantly higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression than non-parents.

A third of parents with kids under 18 rate their stress at an 8 or higher on a 10-point scale. Two in five say they’re so stressed they feel numb, while three in five say stress makes it hard to focus. Two-thirds are overwhelmed by money worries. The numbers paint a clear picture—parenting isn’t just hard, it’s taking a real toll on mental health. And that’s scary.

Factor #2: Becoming a parent opens up a new portal to the depths of human experience

One of the biggest things Zack and I thought about when trying to come to a decision was whether we wanted to miss out on this big layer of the human experience. Something we’ve bonded over throughout our relationship is wanting to have as many robust experiences as possible, to fully embrace life in all of its ups and downs and many depths. One study found that while parents do experience more stress, they also experience more joy. Did we want to miss out on that joy?

From the episode:

“What are we here to do with our lives? For me, and I think for you…It's to have as many robust experiences as possible. We want to feel the range of things. We even talked about this when we were experiencing grief recently. We felt like it was giving us access to a range of emotions that we'd never felt before and even while we were sobbing and feeling so awful, physically ill, we were grateful for access to this new range of emotions…There is such a depth to the range of human experiences.”

The takeaway:

If you’re stuck on the “kids or no kids” question, there’s not a lot of data out there that will make you think it’s a good idea. Instead, ask yourself: Are you willing to make the financial and mental health sacrifice to experience this new layer of the human experience?

For the final verdict (!) on whether or not we’re going to have kids plus the other factors that influenced our final decision, head to the Liz Moody podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.

Xo,

Liz

P.S. Paid subscribers get access to the FULL episode transcript and key takeaways from the episode. And some extra incentive to upgrade this week: The Liz Moody “reclaim your attention span” challenge launches TODAY for paid subscribers only, so if you’re a free subscriber (I still love you!) upgrade to paid below to join in on the fun.