Practicing gratitude didn't boost my happiness—but this did

It takes 30 seconds.

Hello friends!

I really, truly wish I was someone who happiness came easily to. I’m so jealous of those people who go about their lives without a care in the world, always assuming good things will happen to them. Who are you, and how did you get like that?!

I’m someone who struggles with happiness, and admitting that to myself was actually a great first step to cultivating it. I’ve spent hundreds of hours interviewing the world’s leading experts on happiness, and today’s mini-episode of The Liz Moody podcast centers on four happiness hacks that actually work. I’m not going to give them all away (head over to the episode for that!) but there’s one gratitude-based concept that a lot of people don’t know about. It’s kind of grim, so bear with me…

Practice mental subtraction

Instead of imagining what your life will be like when you get the thing you want, you imagine your life without something you already have.

What if you had never met your best friend? What if you didn’t have your job, your health, your partner? What if you had never adopted your cat?

Studies show that imagining the absence of positive things in your life actually boosts happiness more than just feeling grateful for them. That’s because even when we try to practice gratitude, we’re still stuck in “hedonic adaptation”—that state where we normalize all the wonderful things in our lives. Mental subtraction snaps your brain out of that state and into a place of true appreciation.

I notice this in my own life all the time: When Zack is on a plane or doesn’t reply to my texts for a while, my mind, being super fun like that, drifts straight to worst-case scenarios. And suddenly, my podcast rankings or work stress don’t matter at all. All I can think about is how lucky I am to have the people I love, right here, right now.

As Kelly Clarkson would say, “my life would suck without you.”

Mental subtraction makes me feel more grateful—and more alive—than any gratitude practice I’ve ever tried.

From the episode:

“I've always been jealous of people who happiness comes more easily to. The people who wake up and have a smile on their face and are dressed by forest animals, but that is not how my brain works. The silver lining of that is that it makes me an excellent person to test all of these happiness hacks and report back on the ones that work, because if they're effective for me, with my base state, leaning more toward depressive, there is a very good chance that they'll be effective for you as well.”

The takeaway:

If you’re struggling to feel happy and making a gratitude list isn’t working for you, try mental subtraction. What if you lost something truly important you have now? What would your life be like?

For more incredible happiness trick, including the game-changing practices of “joy lists” and “following the thread” and the one small action I take every single day, head over to today’s episode of The Liz Moody Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.

Love you guys, and thanks for being here! If you wouldn’t mind giving this post a like by tapping the heart, I would be incredibly grateful—it helps other people find my Substack!

Xo,

Liz

P.S. Paid subscribers always get key takeaways from each episode and access to full transcripts. We also have some fascinating bonus content coming this Friday, so stay tuned…

Key takeaways

1. Happiness is a daily practice, not a destination

Happiness doesn’t magically arrive when you hit a milestone like finding a partner, buying a house, or landing a dream job. It’s the cumulative result of tiny, conscious and unconscious choices we make every day. Recognizing this takes the pressure off chasing "when I have X, I'll be happy" fantasies—and empowers you to build happiness with small actions right now.